I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
