I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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