Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
