community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
