he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
