Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
COCAINE IS GR8
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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