I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
