I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
