I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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