More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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