can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
