sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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