Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
