sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
