I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
