he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
being pregnant is like rehab
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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