I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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