hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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