I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize