he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Everclear isn't food dammit
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
