wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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