I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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