I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
