Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize