I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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