he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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