I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
