You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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