she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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