ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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