we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
