Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
