Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
