if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so let's talk penis.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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