Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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