So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
