My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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