i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
