He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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