dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
