He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
