Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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