There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
