Just fell off a train. Bad.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
