So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
