They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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