He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize