Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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