I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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