What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
