Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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