I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
