i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
