i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
