I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
