you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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