You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
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he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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