Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
