I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
