oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
