Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
