Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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