his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
