hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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