no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
