My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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